Rebecca Perkins shares her experience of dating after divorce:
Divorce was not something I had in my plans when I said my wedding vows at the altar as much as I would’ve never imagined myself dating in midlife. Yet there I was, doing both – 45 and single again (happily it has to be said) and wondering where to start over with a new life. It wasn’t long before I decided that I wanted to get back into the dating pool, even though I knew it was likely to feel weird and uncomfortable to begin with.
I went on to have a lot of fun, I experienced both highs and lows, there was plenty of both laughter and tears and I enjoyed it all.
If this is where you find yourself right now here’s what I learned about dating after divorce – things I came to realise and things I’d recommend if you’re feeling unsure or even terrified.
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- Make sure you’ve let go of your past relationship – You really don’t want to be taking a whole load of baggage into a new one. I’d urge you to deal with any past grievances and resentments well before you’re signing up to dating sites – beginning with a clean slate will make everything so much more enjoyable.
2. Have a clear idea of what you want from online dating – Are you looking for a new partner or for someone to go on occasional dates with? Make this clear in your profile. If you’re looking for long-term commitment, there’s no point in falling for someone who’s looking for a quick fling. It can only end in tears… yours.
3. Be truthful – Sorry if this is a tough one for those in midlife who appreciate that age is a big thing. Believe me, it’s hard to go back from lying about your age or showing that you’ve got a full head of hair in a profile picture when reality is very different.
4. Know your values – The things that are really important to you in life should be reflected in your relationships. This isn’t about a long shopping list of requirements but it’s worth getting some sense of what you hold dear.
5. Write a great online profile – Spend time writing a great profile that stands out from the crowd, with as few clichés as possible. Be different and don’t be shy. So many profiles are bland and boring. And whilst we’re talking about profiles, get yourself some striking photographs – they do make such a huge difference.
6. Check your state of mind – Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind before you head to dating websites. If you have a heavy and disillusioned heart with negative inner dialogue, it’s not the right time to be looking for a mate.
7. Be open-minded – you never know who you might meet if you can finally avoid looking for or dating what you believe to be ‘your type’. Dare to step out of your comfort zone.
Last but not least, remember to enjoy yourself, have fun and lighten up. You’ll meet some amazing people.